Thursday, March 27, 2014

What is a Loss…?

I'm going to share something here that virtually no one knows about except our family and extremely close family and friends.

I remember the day very clearly. We were at my parents' beach house for a vacation, and I had noticed a few signs and symptoms that pointed towards pregnancy, so excitedly, Tye and I went straight to the drug store and bought 800 pregnancy tests. Well, as excited as we were, we documented the results:

video


We were pregnant with our second child!! And could not have been more excited! I immediately fell in love with my little bean, and began to wonder if it would be a boy or a girl. We were so excited, and immediately told our family and best friends (which I later discovered was a huge mistake).

Fast forward a few weeks, and I noticed something was seriously wrong. I won't go in to details, but I was about 95% sure that I was losing our baby. Tye tried to tell me to stay positive, and that we didn't know for sure that's what was happening, but I just knew it my gut. The process lasted about a week. We went to the doctor to see what was going on, and to my worst fear, he confirmed what I had known to be true: we had lost our baby. I had become part of the 8-20% club of women who have had a miscarriage. My heart sank, as I sat and wondered what I did wrong. Wondered if it was the Tylenol I took, or the cups of coffee I drank before I knew I was pregnant. Wondered if something had happened since I'd had my daughter, and now I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again.

But you want to know what one of the hardest parts was? Telling the friends and family who already knew we had been pregnant. I made Tye tell most of them - I was not up for sharing details, or hearing, "Are you sure?" or "How do you know?" or "What happened?" I was trying hard not to think about it, let alone talk about it.

And literally the next week, Tye and I flew to LA for some work and the ESPY'S. On one hand, it was a good distraction from what my body was going through, but on the other, do you know how hard it was to put that smile on my face?
I remember walking the red carpet, putting a smile on my face, and trying to not think about what was going on in our personal life. And then…..BAM…..the first interview that I did on the red carpet, the woman asked, "So, when are you guys going to have more children? It's about time, isn't it?"

I politely smiled an answered, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen…" After that, we decided not to do anymore interviews - assuming that question would be the most asked (since it usually is). Tye and I walked inside together and I found myself thinking how amazing it is that internally you can be going through so much, and externally no one has any idea.

My thoughts wonder though: What classifies as a loss? Or at least a loss that is worth grieving over? I ask this because I have seen WAY too many of my friends and loved ones experience loss that is so much greater. From suffering from years of infertility, to late term miscarriages, to full-term still born babies (NONE of which seems fair). So am I selfish that I grieved the loss of a first trimester baby, pretty quick and painlessly? It's not like I had a name, or a nursery, or felt it kick, or really experienced anything other than just knowing I was pregnant. And do you know how many times I heard, "Well, at least it happened early, before you could really become attached," or, "You know, it wasn't even really a baby that early on." (still not sure what to say to that one…) Yes, it happened early, but that doesn't mean that my heart still didn't break, or that I didn't cried pretty hard over it. But it did make me feel guilty for grieving so much over it. Were they right? Did it really not matter since it happened so early? Should I just be thankful that it happened early?

What I learned though is that a loss is a loss, no matter what stage it happens at. And you can grieve however you want, at whatever the stage of that loss happens. I have joined the club of women who have little angel babies waiting for them in Heaven. And I can smile now about my experience, knowing one day I will meet my little Angel Baby….

~Melissa


67 comments:

  1. May GOD bless you and keep a hedge of protection around you, Tye, Ava and the new little Strickland. One day when you cross over to heaven, Jesus will be standing there and put your baby in your arms..

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  2. This touches my heart as I had my first pregnancy continue until a healthy baby boy was born...and then went through 4 consecutive 1st trimester miscarriages while trying to conceive our 2nd child. And I whole-heartedly agree with you. A loss is a loss no matter what stage. And I am now the proud momma to 3 little boys :)

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  3. You will quickly find, as I did, that the "club" of women who have experienced a pregnancy loss is (unfortunately) a lot bigger than you might expect. We all know. We know, and we are silent supporters of you and of each other. (((Hugs)))

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  4. I have been there and it is incredibly hard. I was 12 weeks and had just told everyone at 11 weeks... it was disheartening to feel such pain and then going two years to not get pregnant until the help of fertility meds. nothing hurts worse than having a miscarriage. I wouldn't wish it upon an enemy (I don't have any but you know) . I feel like there will be more up in heaven for me to meet. Most people that hadn't experienced one would say the stupidest things and I would just sit there in awe of did they really day that? Happy we can see them again.a

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  5. ~Melissa:

    I also had a miscarriage with my first. We told everyone at about 2.5 months because we had a big family gathering coming up that was 4 days long. We have it every year and its a big baseball tournament with camp fires, food, ball and drinks. I didn't want to accidentally say "sorry I can'" and family ask or assume. We wanted to tell everyone on our own time. Well a week after that family weekend I lost the baby. Of course I was sad but I went to my husbands ball games the next week as usual and even had a mom ask how I could be out of the house so soon. We were 14.5 weeks along when we lost it and like you said you don't feel kicks or movements or have a nursery yet. It's a hard thing to go through but then I realize that if I didn't have that "oh my moment" I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter as we got pregnant 2 months after the miscarriage. It is something to add to your life story. Thanks for sharing with us! Eve

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  6. So sorry for your loss. Ive found that talking about and remembering my angel babies makes it easier for me. I lost 4 first trimester babies before I got my 2 miracles. Yes they were early but they were definitely babies from the moment of conception they are our babies.

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  7. Amen. I've had 3 and they are Angels waiting.

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  8. People grieve and deal with things in their own way, not one of us is the same. You did what was best for you and your family and in no way are you a bad person for doing so.

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  9. I think it is good to grieve in whatever way is best for you. A baby is a baby at any stage, and it's so hard to lose them. It was the same for me in that we told so many people only to have to turn around and give them the bad news, I think that was the hardest :(

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  10. Melissa- Praise God that you are ministering to so many ladies. Sometimes it's just being real with what's going on in your life. I'm sure it's hard since your in the public eye but what a platform to speak hard honest truth & people to realize you're just as normal as they are :) I have always admired your sweet spirit & love seeing the pictures of your precious family.

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  11. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story :) I too have an angel baby waiting for me-- 4 to be exact. We haven't loss hope and are continuining to try for our miracle baby.

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  12. Melissa my heart aches so badly for you. I too had the exact thing happen to me just a few short months ago. We have a 7 year old son that we had no fertility issues with. Now we have been trying to get pregnant again for 2 years. In November 2013 we started going to a fertility specialist and did our first round of IUI and we were so excited when we got pregnant on the first time. We announced to our son, family and friends on Christmas Day 2013 only to be devastated when I had a miscarriage just days later on January 6, 2014. I grieved so hard for the loss of my baby. A loss is a loss. It doesn't matter if it is in the beginning of pregnancy or the end. We have since underwent IUI again last month and it was unsuccessful and we did our 3rd round of IUI this past Friday. We are praying for great news this week. I have prayed so hard for this month to be the month and for it to be a safe and full term pregnancy for me and the baby. I too have an angel baby in heaven that I still feel so connected to so I think it is completely natural to grieve the loss of a baby at any stage in pregnancy or life. Congratulations to you and Tye on your beautiful family.

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  13. Thanks for sharing. I too have had a miscarriage and like you said a loss is a loss no matter what stage your in. I love telling my friends and family as soon as I'm pregnant and it is hard to tell them that you lost it, but it warms my heart to see them help me go through that tough time. If I didn't tell them I'd be going through it alone (with my husband) and if I told them before I told them I was pregnant they wouldn't had felt as much sympathy because they had no idea, but I think they were all more sympathetic because they were excited for us as well and to have them there for us and know how broken our hearts were it helped. So I wouldn't feel bad that you told people close to you right away. Your right though, our babies are waiting for us. :)

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  14. Thank you for sharing your story. The exact same thing happened to me. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and am now pregnant and due in May, but a year ago I had a first trimester miscarriage. You can't help but feel like you jumped the gun by telling people - even if it's just your close family. And then, it is a secret. Thankfully I have met other women who have experienced the same thing and like you I wrote about it and got to hear from all kinds of people that same gone through this. It is a hard thing to share or even to want to share but I hope that eventually, it doesn't seem so much like a secret club and other mommies can know they aren't alone in their grief - no matter what stage it occurs at. God Bless you and your beautiful family!

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  15. Melissa,

    This is such a relief and inspiration for me to read. I recently went through my first pregnancy which then resulted in my first miscarriage within the first trimester. I too, received the same comments from others which then resulted in the same feelings. Your words lifted me up today and I thank you for being so transparent. God Bless!

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  16. This is beautiful

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  17. I had two miscarriages, one right after the other. My first one I was 16 weeks, and the second one I was 6 weeks along. Each one was extremely hard on me. I now have a 14 month old son (and twin girls from before I had the miscarriage) and the emotional pain is a little better but I will never forget my 2 Angel babies! I still cry about them off and on even though I have 3 healthy children. I am glad you posted this!! I know there are many women out there that can reflect.

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  18. You definitely have every right to grieve. I have two lovely daughters - 18 and 16 years old now. They were both planned. But about 8 months prior to my getting pregnant with my oldest, we had an unplanned pregnancy. No matter - we wanted children and were ecstatic. No one in my family of women had ever miscarried - so I never, ever expected it to be me. But at about 6-8 weeks (hadn't even seen the doctor yet), I began to spot and found out that I was indeed miscarrying. I DID go through labor - at home with my husband and parents. And I DID have those careless comments from women that had living children that my experience in no way could compare to real labor. But, it did, and it was much worse because at the end, there was no baby. I still grieve the loss of that child and my girls know that they have a sibling waiting for them in Heaven.

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  19. I can relate to your story......four times over. I lost my first child with my very first pregnancy. I went on to have two full time pregnancies resulting in two beautiful children. My husband and I always knew we wanted another child but could never come to an agreement as far as timing goes. Either he wanted to try again and I wasn't ready or visa versa. I was approaching 40 and told him it was now or never! So we began trying for that third child and I ended up having 3 miscarriages.....within the year. With my first pregnancy, I told everyone! The thought of miscarriage never crossed my mind. I then had to reverse and tell the family the sad news. But then there was the event of running into people in the stores, etc. and them asking how the pregnancy was going or how far along I was now or simply congratulating me on my pregnancy. I found I felt worse for them than for myself because they felt really bad for mentioning it. I always tried to reassure them it was ok because I knew they didn't know. So when I got pregnant for the second time, I hesitated to tell anyone.....and didn't.....other than my husband. We waited until after the first trimester. Thankfully, I was able to carry full term and had a healthy 8 lb 11 oz baby boy. Three years later, I had another successful full term pregnancy resulting in a 8 lb 11 oz baby girl. And no, that is not a mis-print. They both weighed the same. lol So when I began trying again......my son was now 15 and my daughter was now 12......the fear of miscarrying was there because once you've lost, that fear never leaves you.....but since I had two full term pregnancies I really thought things would be fine. So once it was positive we were expecting again, I couldn't wait to tell my two older children. They were so excited!! And then one day....it happened. The hardest thing ever was to tell my children. So after that, we didn't tell anyone. We ended up losing two more children through miscarriage.....and no one knew. I was now at a total of 4 miscarriages. After the last one, I was emotionally and physically drained. I couldn't do it anymore. But after much time in prayer, I decided to try just one more time. And I'm so glad I did. The following October I gave birth to the most precious baby girl...weighing in at 6 lbs 11 oz. She was premature but she was here....she was healthy......she was perfect. That was 16 years ago and I am so thankful I didn't give up. ~ A loss is a loss......no matter how it was taken. I have lost more children than I have given birth to but in my heart and mind.....I have a total of 7 children. Three the Lord has loaned to me.....and four He has already taken home and I have no doubt in my mind that I will see those precious little angels one day. I have four sweet babies waiting for me.....and I can't wait to see their precious little faces. God Bless each and every one of you who has ever lost a child. It's the most heartbreaking experience but we are all survivors. Never let any one tell you how to morn. We are all different and we all morn in our own way. And never let any one tell you or make you feel that baby was any less of a baby or your child than he/she was.....or is. From the moment a child is conceived, they become a part of you.....and you love them, regardless if you ever hold them in your arms or not......they will always be in your heart.

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  20. In my eyes, a loss is definitely a loss, whether it's 9 weeks along like with my second pregnancy or full term, to me, I was having a baby right from the start and of course I was attached... what helps me deal with the loss was the thought that everything truly does have a purpose of happening however bad it is at the time. I wouldn't have my beautiful son, if that had not happened and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Thank you for sharing Melissa:)

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  21. Thank you for posting this. I'm currently in the middle of my first miscarriage (second pregnancy) and some of your thoughts and fears are some of the same I've found myself in over the past few days. It's always comforting to hear when we aren't alone. Hugs and prayers.

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  22. i lost my precious baby at 9 weeks and it tore me up its been 7 years and i still cry over my little one which i quickly became preg again 3 months after thought that it would help but it didnt and i was so scared that it would happien to thus baby to all the way throw that pregnancy but i have never got over my little angel and i found out when i was 2 weeks preg because if a surgury i had to have done i knew for 7 weeks and love my little baby like i do one of my other children i dont think ill ever get over my baby

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  23. I have an angel baby who left us at 21 weeks. We had a funeral and everything for it. I still consider him my firstborn and even think of my second child (who lives like our oldest since his brother is in heaven) as my middle child, although he has no clue and lives/acts like oldest. Every loss is a loss. The good thing is that our babies are in heaven. Very grateful for the hope of meeting them there one day. Blessings to you as you revel in new life and remember your angel baby!

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  24. Melissa:

    This is beautiful and such a loving way to share and help others who have been through such losses. You have wisdom beyond your years and your honesty is so refreshing..........thank you!

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  25. You expressed something so difficult, so well. We grieve many things and types of losses. Grief is made of up so many emotions that one can't see on the surface. People look at your happy, healthy family and see beauty, love, health and so much to be joyful for. You've had a loss, so you probably see all of those things too, but you also know/see what is missing. My family is going through that, but with the loss of an older child. We understand that we have a lot of joy, but someone is missing.

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  26. bless you and your family, you have every right to grieve your loss... I have had a total of 4 miscarriages, my heart broke a little with each one however i never gave up the hope. I have 3 beautiful children and i love each one with all my fiber and being. I admire your strength and i enjoy seeing your little family grow. God Bless you and yours and thank you for sharing your story with us.

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  27. No you are not wrong whats so ever for greiving that baby and its funny how you say about the things people say, i lost my first baby at 5 weeks and nothing was worse than that hard hit to the pavement from cloud nine that your on as soon as you see that positive pregnancy test. But the min that positive shows up you love that baby as much as a grown adult child and its doesnt make it any easier or less painful a baby is a baby no matter how small or how early. I hated the people that said to me it wasnt meant to be... to me it was meant to be it was meant to allow my future babies to have their own personal angel looking out for them. Dont let anyone make you feel you have over grieved or that it should be swept under the rug. Your feelings and way of dealing is all your own and none of it undeserved or wrong.

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  28. Wow. This truly touches me because I very recently discovered I am pregnant and have told everyone fearing the worst. We had infertility issues for almost 5 years and our first baby was done with IVF, so this pregnancy is a huge shock. I can't believe you had to go through that. You are not selfish at all. It would break any woman's heart. You are a true mother and you're very inspiring. Thank you for sharing this story.

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  29. Melissa - first, I am so very sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter what stage it was in your pregnancy - it was your child that you & Tye created. Everyone grieves differently -- there's no wrong way -- this baby is a piece of you & you now have a little "bean angel" who will watch over you & your beautiful family. I, unfortunately, never got the chance to be called "Mommy" & its my biggest regret in my life. After losing my Mom when I was 24, I just couldn't imagine going through all the joys of a pregnancy without my Mom by my side....I couldn't do it, and now SO wish things were different. I have tears as I type this, for a different kind of "loss" that I have...and happy tears for what a great Mommy you are & for the beautiful family you & Type are creating. You are a remarkable woman & I thank you for sharing your story!

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  30. Melissa...thank you for sharing something so personal...and precious...I also have experienced miscarriage..in fact...two..a couple years after my daughter was born..you are right...you always wonder..but I trusted evrything in God's hands..and all thru my life...he has been there for me..through the miscarriages..thru cancer...thru the loss of my Mom...God bless you and your precious family and may your experience everything your heart desires with your family and your precious son soon to be in your arms!

    your friend, Christy Fox

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  31. PLEASE GET OVER YOUR SELF MAAM!
    Jason did u a favor & you milked it, even as Tye was waiting! YOU are SICK!
    ALways looking for sympathy, as poor melissa.
    AVA is spoiled rotten & you seem proud of that?
    You are NOT thee only woman to have a miscarriage.
    Get over your selfish, selfish self, maam!
    WHAT is wrong with you craving ALL attention ALWAYS???
    Get your buck teeth fixed & STAY HOME TO BE A MOTHER!
    AMEN!

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    1. Amen??? How can you post something so mean and ungodly and then say amen??? If you don't have anything nice to say then DONT read it and go about your own business. Sometimes people just need to vent to let emotions out.

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  32. The same thing happened to me in between my two. A loss is a loss, no matter how small/early. You have every right to grieve and mourn and be sad. And you shouldn't let any of these other people convince you otherwise! It sounds like you were able to get pregnant quickly after the miscarriage (that happened with us too) and that's great....you'll never forget the one you lost, but if it didn't happen, you wouldn't have the one you have now (or will soon have)

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  33. We lost our first baby at 8 weeks(which they didn't know we lost til 11 weeks then we had to have a Dnc) battled with getting pregnant for 3 more years and was told I would never be able to get pregnant again by myself. Started talking to a specialist about starting invitro and started going to a chiropractor...long story short my s1 was out in my back and it was preventing me from getting pregnant. Got pregnant immediately and was overjoyed...then ended up having a stillborn baby boy...pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster whether you lose one early can't get pregnant or lose one later in pregnancy...it's never easy. After we loss kyler I was devastated and emotionally just not here anymore...didn't understand why our good Lord was putting me down this rough path. I still don't have the answer but we now have a healthy 1 year old boy and I couldn't imagine life without him. I think about if kyler would have lived we wouldn't have our boy now and maybe that's why we went through so much. Maybe there is a reason our boy is here...there HAS to be:) losing a child is hard no matter how you lose them... They were your child and grieve how you need to..there isn't a day that goes by that I don think about my angel babies and some days I smile and some days I still cry and I don't think that will ever change. God bless you and your family!

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  34. This post just spoke to my heart in so many ways...

    First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go to you and your family. I pray He gives you comfort, healing, and peace...

    What I have come to realize is that God doesn't look at our situations and say to us..."Well, this person over here has if far worse than you, so I'm not going to help you."

    He helps us and cares for us regardless of our situation :) He loves us unconditionally.

    As we compare each others situations and whoever has the far worse situation gets the most sympathy/empathy, understanding, and compassion. As a person, I want to get better at NOT doing this...

    I think it was wrong what was said to you after your loss. I'm sure it was well intended but on paper it just came across so ignorant (for lack of a better word). My heart broke for you reading what was said. I couldn't imagine hearing those things after a loss such as yours. No matter how well there were intended...

    As people we need to allow each other to grieve our personal losses, etc. No one has the right to tell us if we should grieve or how we should grieve. There is a healthy way to grieve but every situation is different. We need more compassion, understanding, and love in this world.

    Wishing you all the best with your baby boy on the way~

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  35. Ava IS spoiled. I don't think you seem "proud" of it, but you are making it worse every day. Ava doesn't 'need' every toy in the store, Melissa. She won't die if you can't play dolls with her every day, all day, Melissa. Honest she won't. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Your biggest problem is that you and Ava won't be able to "play dolls all day" because of the new baby? Question: Why did you get pregnant? Or was this just another accident like Ava was? I feel sad for this baby because your concern is losing time playing barbies with Ava. You have been so weird during this pregnancy. You are way too skinny for someone 9 months preggo. I guess your figure means more than his health. Yeah like someone else said your gonna come home from the hospital and pop back into the same jeans, but will your baby have had the best nutrition with you so skinny? You laid out in the sun getting totally burnt. That was a terrible risk because if the baby's core temperature gets too high they can get brain damage. That means no super hot showers, hot tubs, laying out in the sun. And you let your belly burn, then posted a pic of it. What IS going on with you??

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    1. totally agree
      All Melissa cares about is Melissa!
      SELFISH woman!
      POOR TYE!
      stop feeling so sorry for yourself, maam!
      next, we will aLL be HEARING of YOUR
      POST PREGNANCY DEPRESSION???
      YOU ARE a STRANGE bird!
      fix your teeth and whining voice!
      no wonder Tye's family dislike you so much!
      AMEN

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    2. Thank you Melissa for opening up on this very guarded subject. And thank you everyone who is commenting below her blog sharing your own story. I just went through and read every. single. one.... and now I have a half box of Kleenex gone.

      I too have gone through/going through a rough patch(s), and am not yet 'there' to share my story.. so thank you EVERYONE. You are giving me hope and inspiration.

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  36. Melissa, I too have an angel baby in Heaven. I have two wonderful sons ages 21 and 17, but I was pregnant in between the boys and lost a baby when I was 3 months pregnant. Doctors couldn't say "why". I went in for my regular appointment at 2 months and heard the heartbeat, but when I went back for my 3 month visit they couldn't find a heartbeat. They sent me to the hospital for a more extensive ultrasound and confirmed that they baby had died. I have to be scheduled for a D&C. It was so heartbreaking and I still wonder about and grieve for the child I lost. I always wonder if it was a girl or a boy, but know I'll find out when I meet him or her in Heaven some day. You're right - a loss is a loss! Sincerely, Diane

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  37. Melissa, I am so sad to see Ava wearing a fur vest and boots.

    Please don't bother claiming they are faux. I was a buyer for a store for many years and I know what the genuine article looks like.

    You might want to educate yourself on the suffering of innocent animals so that people can wear fur. Even wearing faux fur is a bad idea as people assume it is real and this sickening trend continues.

    I just don't know what to say. ;(

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  38. She doesn't care about people either..I wonder how much blood was spilled or how many hands were chopped off over the 4 plus carats of diamonds she is showing off.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/weekinreview/17mcneil.html?_r=0

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  39. Melissa,
    You obviously do not know me- I happened upon this blog post via People.com. I found out I was pregnant with my first right after Christmas. In February I found out I had miscarried. I had to have a D&C beginning of March. I know the pain you are feeling, and all the emotions that seem to contradict themselves. The sense of loss is unfathomable. No matter how early it is. You start to bond with that little bean the minute you get a positive. I am so sorry for your loss, but appreciate hearing your story. It reminds me that I'm not alone, and I can cry if I want to. And you're right. The worst part was having to tell people. We made the mistake of telling my husbands mother. She blabbed to EVERYONE. I'm surprised she didn't put it on Facebook. We got so mad at her- but then when we found out I miscarried, she refused to go back and tell everyone she told I was pregnant. Well after the miscarriage had happened, I kept receiving 'congratulations' from distant family. It just rubbed the pain in deeper.
    I'm again, so sorry for your loss. It gets better.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  40. Very well said, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your experience. I just went through the same thing myself and it's so hard. It's comforting to know that other women have gone through it as well and are experiencing all of the same emotions as I did. Wishing you the very best!

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  41. I know exactly how you feel! I found out that I was pregnant the day before Fathers Day (11 years ago). I couldn't wait to wake up the next morning and tell my husband that he was going to be a daddy. I remember that we went out and bought a bib that said "I Love My Daddy" and a few more pregnancy tests (I don't know why we feel the need to take so many tests just to make sure!)...we were so excited. Two days later, I knew something was wrong. I went to the doctor and they confirmed that I had a miscarriage. It was very early on but that didn't make it hurt any less. I still think about my baby and wonder if we would have had a girl or boy. Eleven years later, we have 4 beautiful and healthy children, 3 boys and 1 girl.

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  42. Your not selfish! I agree a loss is a loss. I miscarried my first baby at almost 3 months pregnant and we were heartbroken. Plus i pretty much felt like i was in labor, i was getting what felt like contractions and ended up needing a dnc. It was awful but i now have 2 beautiful healthy little boys and i know my firstborn is in heaven and that someday we will see him.I always wondered if it was a boy or girl and then About 2 years ago i had a dream that God let me meet him, and he looked just like my older son with a couple different features. I believe God answered my prayer through my dream so that I could know that it was a boy and I could see him. I even hugged him in the dream. It made me feel really at peace.

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  43. QUIT COMPLAINING about baby boy being "late???" probably miscalcuated!!!!
    PLEASE.....PLEASE.....STOP crying out for ATTENTION....WHY??????
    You state how you felt as a SINGLE mother....TRY being a single mother ! WEEK......
    & too CHEAP to buy maternity clothes, after SPOILED BRAT AVA gets EVERYthing!!????
    GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHTENED OUT~~
    POOR BABY BOY STRICKLAND = ALL his "mother" does is ALready COMPARE HOW MUCH "BETTER" spoiled "AVA is!?" and he isn't even born yet.
    WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??????????????

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  44. I know what you mean, and how you felt!
    We went through tons of money in fertility and then got oregnant! The baby had a heart rate for the first ultrasound, but then the second ultrasound it didn't have one- so I had to purposely go through a loss, I knew it was coming and it was the worst experience ever.

    It makes you really appreciate what you have when you have lost something so small, and something most women take for granted!

    You got your beckett though! Many blessings in the end!

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  45. Such an awful, awful experience to go through. My husband and I just lost our baby last week. It's so taboo, and I truly admire your strength for moving forward, trying again, and for sharing your story. It is comforting to know that there are others willing to share their stories of grief and pain, as well as healing and strength to try again. May God blessed you and your beautiful family always <3

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  46. Don't ever feel guilty about losing a precious baby that you guys wanted. I truly believe it is a feeling that no one can even try to feel unless you've suffered a loss and people open their mouths way to often and make you feel like it was nothing. I have lost 7, with 2 babies here, 4 and almost 6 months, and although I love them to death and can't imagine life without them, I still have a hard time sometimes with thinking, did that really all happen?! It impacts you and leaves a scar just like any other loss. Congrats on the new baby boy! Enjoy him!

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  47. Melissa
    Thank u sooo much for sharing that we us, its hard going through a miscarriage at any stage of the pregnancy n telling people that its no longer going to happen Is even harder. I miscarried the first time trying to get pregnant n it was hard going to the Dr n seeing nothing but figuring the egg didn't make it to the uterus but was in the Fallopian tubes n I had to go through labor since the dnc was scheduled later n my body had other plans n not holding anything at the end was sooo hard. It was the worst experience ever but, I know God had other plans for me n I am very blessed to have two lil boys now n I couldn't imagine my life without them n I know having a miscarriage made me stronger n appreciate being able to have kids because, I know sometimes that it could b a sign of maybe something not OK in your body n not being able to have kids. So thanks again for sharing n cherish ur lil ones n know God has a plan for everything, God Bless☺

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  48. WHY have you not extended a single condolence on the death of Eric Hill? He was a close friend of yours, no? Talk about A LOSS.

    Instead you are posting these mysterious pics of Beckett hiding his face. Why are you hiding him? Anyway, how cruel and insensitive you are not to care or acknowledge Eric Hill's death.

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  49. SELFISH MELISSA IS. She doesn't give a crap about Eric Hill!???
    you will be haunted!
    TYE is stupid to stay with YOU....YOU won't even respect Tye enough to take his name??? Buck tooth whiney person....= melissa rycroft...

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  50. A "push present?" Do you have any clue as to how spoiled and ungrateful you sound? Many moms give birth to babies that are very sick or premature. Or have to go home alone without a clue as to how they are going to pay the bills. Do you ever read the news?

    You are living in a dream world, lady. Any woman who cries and mopes because she is sad to give up "playing with Barbies all day" is living in a dream world.

    It's obvious that you have money to burn, that your husband is a whipped gopher, and that you are raising your kids with the same mentality. Me, me, me, and me. "Push present."

    What leaves me stunned is that you are not even ashamed to say it and write about it.

    A PUSH PRESENT is a healthy child. But IF we have to explain that to you, then we are probably wasting our time.

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  51. I agree!
    What a buck toothed whiney voice Melissa is!!!
    WHY does Tye NOT DEMAND SHE TAKE HIS LAST NAME???
    WHY????
    HE LETS MELISSA WEAR THE PANTS`````

    She is a SELFISH BUCK TOOTH WOMAN!!!!!
    IMAGINE HOW MEAN SHE WAS TO JASON IN DALLAS???? OMG????
    WHY???
    SHE KNEW TYE WAS DATING & SCREWING OTHER WOMEN THEN....
    Jason has a BEAUTIFUL WIFE & NOW 2 KIDS where they are NOT AFTER $$$$
    as BUCK TOOTH MELISSA....SHE IS GROSS...WHINE WHINE WHINE...

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  52. WHY NAKED PICS OF YOUR SON = ATTENTION FOR MELISSA!!!!
    & GIVING a 1 WEEK PHOTO = WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU~~~~
    probably more and lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$
    AVA's teachers gossip how MUCH YOU CRAVE ATTENTION & how INSECURE AVA is.......KEEP that boy OUT OF CAMERAS.....TYE'S parents are VERY UPSET WITH THOSE pictures to get $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

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  53. Thank you for sharing this, Melissa. I love you for it! I experienced a miscarriage while trying to conceive our second child and often worried that I had no "right" to grieve my loss since so many others in this world lose so much more. But you're right...a loss is a loss is a loss and we're all entitled to whatever we feel, whatever we're suffering through. Because aren't we all suffering through something? Thank you for your honesty and openness!!!

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  54. Or little Angel got his wings in October. We waited 11 years to have our 2nd child. Got healthier thinking that it would be easier on my body. First pregnancy was a rough one. We have a beautiful, amazing 11 year-old boy from it! I was 23 weeks along with our little Jaxon when we lost him. We waited til we were 20 weeks to tell everyone just incase something was to go wrong. Pregnancy was so much better til the end. Ended up having an infection in my uterus. No one knows why it happens. Apparently it happens in 2% of pregnancies. Usually the baby will miscarry right away. I was in & out of the hospital for 2 weeks no one knew why I kept getting a fever. Hard not knowing. We want to try again, but are very nervous! Think about our Angel baby everyday!

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  55. I had a very similar experience as well. Seems it's a pretty big club. I had a loss a couple years ago only to be blessed with a baby boy who turned one on Easter. I've had to learn it's okay to grieve, people can be so mean, especially about early losses. But you already dream of a life with that child and when you lose the child you lose that dream too. Glad you can smile when you think back, I'm not quite there yet. Maybe one day.

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  56. I loss my daughter's twin at 12 weeks. Everyone kept saying well at least you still have one. It was hard for me to hear that. It was like I shouldn't be grieving over the second baby at all. I was grateful my daughter made it but a loss no matter how early is still a loss.

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  57. Dear mellisa I am so sorry for your loss I suffered a misscarriage in 2009 after 2 healthy full term babiesit was to be my last pregnancy I tried for 3yrs after loosing my angel Zack. As a mom it makes no difference what stage of pregnancy your in or age of baby It is heartbreaking loss I do hope you see your angel again some day and may you find peace till that day comes

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  58. Why do you keep referring to pictures of yourself and Tye as "babies," and "kids," when you were already in your mid to late 20's? And why did you tell an interviewer that it was so hard on you having Ava because you had her "so young?" How old do you think you are? At the age you had Ava you should have been more than ready and mature.

    But you like freedom, fame and fun, the last being the most important. What do you mean "Tye took out Beckett for a few hours" so you could put your feet up and drink liquor? Melissa, you just had Beckett!! I mean, sheesh, he's like a few hours old! I mean, good grief, so where did you send them? To the park to throw ball????????????

    What are you doing drinking, having friends over to party, going to judge cheerleading contests?? When I first had my babies I cherished those first few weeks and months. Drinking, having fun with friends and stuff like that was the furthest thing from my mind.

    Also, please support Beckett's head when you hold him. You hold him like a 5 year old holding a doll. Melissa: He is a NEWBORN. You must be careful to support his head. The way you just picked him up like a football in that dumb video with one of your friends made me want to cry.

    You seem to be in desperate need of counseling.

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  59. Looks as YOUR JUDGING COMES WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY BEFORE BEING A MOTHER! WHY HAVE CHILDREN WHEN YOU WANT THE JET SET LIFE?????
    What in the world do YOUR PARENTS & IN LAWS think of all this ME ME ME MELISSA???? That son is a few weeks old!?! SAD FOR AVA, also!!!!

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    1. She doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. Remember how she would whine and cry about having to do anything at all for Ava, on her "show." She was off having one of her many honeymoons while Ava was left having seizures at home. Then makes up for it by pretending that Ava is Suri Cruise and shopping, shopping, shopping.

      Poor poor Tye. He doesn't even get to eat lunch like other working men because his daughter and wife won't allow it.

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  60. So, since your husband "owns the office", is he setting a good example by taking off midday just because Ava is throwing a fit to go swimming? Do his employees get to take off for 3 hours midday to take their kids for a swim? Of course those poor people surely don't have their own pools, but still.

    And since you asked, Beckett was up "all night" because he is a newborn, ya think? Ava was up all night because--well why don't you answer your own question. Do the words spoiled silly come to your mind??

    And what are you doing quoting Maya Angelou? A spoiled braggart like you wouldn't have a clue as to what drove a person like Maya Angelou. She was the opposite of a nouveau riche bore like you.

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  61. Melissa: Sleeping with an infant in your bed is so very dangerous. You run the horrible risk of smothering him which is a cause of death for many infants. Check the research on this if you don't believe it.

    And why are you lying to the world and having everyone to worry endlessly about what is safe or not for you BECAUSE YOU ARE BREASTFEEDING?? You lying little fart. You are NOT breastfeeding. What a short memory you have!! You claimed IN PUBLIC that after Ava was born you tried and tried, and cried and cried, because you desperately wanted to nurse her but you couldn't because of your botched up breast reduction surgery. Sorry, it was botched up. You wanted a reduction, right, not to look like your chest is concave? Now you NEED implants. Sad, considering you had too much at one time.

    Were you trying to use the word "polarizing?" My, aren't we the little busy users of the thesaurus?

    Your tats DO look horrible, sorry Princess. The one on the wrist makes you look like an ex-convict. Some people look great with their tats. But the cursive name on your wrist is super creepy and the t was cut so deeply that it will always look like a cover up for a suicide attempt. To put the baby's name like there is just a shame.

    Please listen for a change and do something right for the baby's sake. Look up the dangers of letting him sleep in your bed.

    And try to stop letting Ava run your house. You wrote that she didn't sleep through the night till she was 18 months? From the picture of that big, big girl in your bed, she's still not sleeping through the night. You know, this is Beckett's time to be a newborn. Ava had her time and is still acting like a newborn. Are you always going to favor her over the new baby? If so, save some of the money you are spending blindly for therapy for Beckett. He will need lots of that with the number that Big Sister is doing on his family.

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  62. I am so sorry. I have been soothed by online blogs and am finding hope online too for my uncommon condition.
    http://babymakingfromhope.blogspot.sg

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